Articles

The War Against Millipeades Begins

In environment, hahahas, health, off-beat, War on April 14, 2008 by Editor Z

This is the enemy. This is one war the civilized world can’t afford to lose

In a small number of Scottish communities, local resident find themselves under siege by a small but nevertheless plentiful and relentless enemy. yes I am talking about the much neglected and underrated millipede.

Times of London:

Three villages in the Scottish Highlands are to impose a wartime- style “blackout” in an attempt to stop swarms of millipedes from invading residents’ homes.

The inch-long black millipedes– otherwise known as Tachypodoiulus niger– may not look like much of a foe but it has caused alarm in the villages of Droman, Balchrick, and Baltimore, entering houses through tiny cracks before wriggling into baths, lavatories, beds, and kitchens.

So it will take all the resources of the greatest tachticans and minds to see that this scourge ends. Now is the time for great men to rise. Give us yours General Eisenhower’s, your General Montgomery’s, your MacArthur’s, your Schwarzkopf; for this foe is so formidable that there is a drastic measure that will have to be taken. One that was in fact used to fight another foe in another time known as World War II. Yes, I am talking about a World War II style blackout.

Here’s more:

Although Scientists have been unable to explain why they are appearing in such numbers, the invasions started about four years ago and have increased in intensity since. The local council says that it is powerless to help because the millipedes do not carry diseases. But the John Muir Trust, the conservation body that owns the estate, is now using the experience of similar problems in Australia top employ war-time style blackouts.

And remember if we don’t fight them there we will be fighting them over here.
I wonder if they will use air raid sirens too.

But what if it was grasshoppers? What if instead of millipedes attacking scottland it was grasshoppers attacking Chicago.



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